"Do I make you hungry baby, yeah, do I?"

...from NY Magazine's weekly Grub Street piece which follows a celebrity/model/celebu-chef/porn magnate around for about a week, acting as a pseudo food diary.  Without further ado, folks, Ron Jeremy!

NY Magazine

"I've been very careless in the past. I've eaten way too much bread and toast, so I'm trying to be a good boy," says Ron Jeremy, who recently dropped fifteen pounds. Having appeared in thousands of adult films, Jeremy is easily one of the country's most recognizable porn actors, but these days he's acting more like a famous food celebrity: He's already starred in the first food-truck porn and released his own rum. He also kept his clothes on for an appearance on No Reservations, has a hot sauce named after him, and insists there's a swinger's club in Portland, Oregon, named Ron Jeremy's Club Sesso where "a lot of people go just to eat and dance." This love of food isn't new for Jeremy, though. ("One look at my stomach and you go, 'Yeah that's Ron.'") He tells us his family is really food royalty: "My great-uncle actually started Barney Greengrass. My grandmother's name was Rose Greengrass. Every once in a while I have to go by the place and remind them of that." Check out everything he ate over the past week in this edition of the L.A. Diet.

Wednesday, February 9

I only eat a couple of meals a day, with an orange thrown in. So that morning, I had oatmeal with raisins and blueberries, a little milk and a little butter, which of course I shouldn't do, and coffee and orange juice. I take my coffee with cream, no sugar. And I don't care if it's Starbucks or not, I don't need designer coffee. I'm happy with normal coffee.

No lunch. Every day I have the same thing: an orange, and then a banana later on.

That night was the Palm restaurant. They have the greatest surf and turf, so I had a little lobster tail — actually when you're getting lobster tail in surf and turf, a lot of people don't know this, but you're actually getting crayfish. Let me educate you. It's almost the same thing and just as delicious, they're the same family of animal, but even at a fancy restaurant, you're theoretically getting crayfish. It looks different, too. So I had a little filet, the smallest one they had, and I had the lobster tail. And I had water; I do a lot of water. A lot of restaurants use filtered water, which is what I like. I don't think you have to get the bottles. It's a rip-off, just so you know. Penn and Teller did a great thing called Bullshit on Showtime and they exposed how a lot of these bottled waters, just what a joke they are. From France, yeah my ass.

I was taken out by my friend Gary, who owns a company in San Luis Obispo called Slobabes.com. [Editor's note: That link is completely NSFW. Unless you work in the porn industry.] Being that I'm Jewish, I discovered a long time ago that food tastes so much better when somebody else is paying for it. I'm very lucky that way. I get all those breaks.

Thursday, February 10

I actually had scrambled eggs and, even though I'm a Jewish boy, I had bacon. And that was it, with just coffee and orange juice. Then I had the usual orange and banana in the afternoon.

Nighttime, I went to the Rainbow Bar & Grill and had their amazing shrimp-and-avocado salad. I'm a big fan of the Rainbow, I go there all the time. Again I got taken out for dinner. A lot of different people and different companies want to pick my brain, so they buy me dinner. And it's funny. Like I said, the food tastes better. I had the Rainbow avocado-and-shrimp salad with an iced tea on the side, unsweetened.

There is actually a Ron Jeremy hot sauce out there. It's delicious — it's like Tabasco, but tastier and not quite as spicy. It's in stores and restaurants around America, and the Rainbow tried carrying it, but they said people kept taking it off the tables and walking out with it, 'cause it's a goof to have it. They even tried a beef jerky with my name on it, but that didn't work out so well.

Friday, February 11

I had Nova Scotia lox and herring. It was a fish day for me. I was actually at the Grand Lux Café, where they have an actual buffet. I'm really big on fish. I had shrimp, salmon, sturgeon, and lox, smoked salmon. I ate a little bit of cream cheese, a little lettuce and capers, and that was pretty much it. I was really a good boy. Plus I had coffee and orange juice.

This time for lunch, I had no orange but yogurt.

For dinner, I was actually with my friends at someone's house and had chicken breast, peas, and carrots. I ate the skin and I put gravy on it, so I thought, I'm not eating like I'm supposed to. And oh, my favorite thing on the side, coleslaw. I love coleslaw. I had green iced tea or peppermint tea, but note that hot tea is better for you. I don't drink very much, every once in a while I'll have alcohol, but not very much. I barely drink. My autobiography thanks my parents for raising three children. We never touched drugs, never smoked a cigarette, barely drink, and all went through six-year master's programs. Me and Suzy went to Queens College; my other sister went to Brooklyn and to Harvard.

Saturday, February 12

Saturday morning was farina, which is kind of like grits. It goes great with a little butter, a little pepper. And I had a glass of milk.

Lunch time, banana and orange.

Dinner time, Mel's Drive-In — great place, good for late night. I know I should not have eaten late at night, but I did. And I had their marvelous coleslaw, which is out of this world, and I had a hot dog. They make really good hot dogs and I had mine with mustard and no bun, with vegetables, string beans. And I did share a banana milkshake with somebody, 'cause they have terrific milkshakes. They make 'em great at Mel's. Yeah, I was a bad boy.

Sunday February, 13

Sunday, I had an amazing brunch at the Beverly Hilton on the corner of Santa Monica and Wilshire. And that day, I really did go nuts. I was careless, but it was so fucking good. I had a little tiny taste of steak and a little tiny taste of chicken. Of course I love my fish and had six types of fish. And my ex-girlfriend tells me to stop doing this, that those brunches kill me, but they're too good, so ... I was a little bad boy. And that's it. No dessert and just water.

For lunch, I had a banana and orange. And dinner, I had a hamburger at Wendy's … no, no In-N-Out, right on Sunset Boulevard.

Monday, February 14

For breakfast, I had Wheatena, another kind of cereal, with just a little bit of butter and a glass of milk. Lunchtime, I had the banana and orange.

Dinner, I had Hungarian goulash, which was beef and noodles. And I tried to ease up on the noodles. I've had a lot of noodles, so I tried to eat more beef. I had it made for me. But I do make a mean omelette. I know how to sauté the peppers and the onions first, then I bring on the eggs, then I flip it. I'm a great flipper — never lands on the floor, ever. Then I put cheese right in the middle and roll it up like a giant blintz or like a burrito. There's a cute little website called Imcooked.com, and they show me making an omelette. They have a bunch of celebrities on the show, like Christopher Walken. It's great.

…

Until we eat again,

Lindsay, The Lunch Belle